Tear Shaped Love
by Blondie Pants
Summary: *DISCONTINUED* Love is never, ever easy. But for two people who have hated each other for before they even met, is it even possible? This is the story of love in its purest form: pain. Rated for some language.
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: If I owned Avatar, you would not find me here on Fanfiction.

If you haven't read my authors page yet, then I suggest you do. Otherwise you will be very confused. If you ask me a question that I already answered there, then I will ignore you. And don't waste my time with flames, please. If you have criticism to make, then make it with your common sense intact. Telling me that my story sucks does not help. Telling me how it improve my plot DOES help. Have fun.

**CHAPTER ONE: Prologue**

**XXXXXXXXXXXXX**

August 5th of the 3rd year of the reign of Fire Lord Zuko

"_Protection is the highest form of love."_

**Katara**

I didn't dream last night. I had real sleep. Restful sleep. It happens so very, very rarely.

Usually, I wake up screaming and crying, memories flashing through my dreams and tormenting me. Months have not made the past any less potent. Sometimes, I even wake up attacking some invisible enemy with the water in the basin on my bedside. My husband has the same difficulties. He wakes up yelling, to. We try to help each other. When I wake up from my nightmares that were once real, he holds me in his warm, strong arms until my sobs subside. When he wakes up from his nighttime terrors, I hold him until the tears stop flowing.

I sat down on a garden bench and started the fountain with a flick of my wrist. I leaned back, closed my eyes and crossed my arms across my gradually swelling stomach.

But the memories aren't confined to my dreams. That is the closest to real that they've been in almost four years, but they haunt my waking hours, to.

Quiet feet approached, and I began organizing and attack in my mind before I remembered that I was now a queen, the war was over, and no one could have gotten into this garden without causing a very noisy entrance.

I opened my eyes to look at who the intruder was.

"Mommy?" My son's crystal blue eyes stared back. I bent down and lifted him up to sit on the bench beside me.

"What is it, my son?"

Akeo swung his legs back and forth and stared at the dirt.

"Did you do something wrong?"

"You didn't scream last night."

For a few moments, I was too shocked to reply. How had he known that? "Akeo, were you out of bed last night?"

He didn't reply, but he didn't need to.

"Akeo, you need to understand, your father and I have nightmares, to. Our nightmares are…terrible. Most of them are of the war. We love you, and we don't want you to know yet. We are protecting you, Akeo. Someday, when we think you are old enough to understand, we will tell you why our memories torment us at night. Not before then."

"Why didn't you have bad dreams last night?"

"Last night we were lucky. That doesn't happen often. Now promise me that you won't go wandering the palace at night. Okay?"

"I promise." His voice was disappointed, and I could see as plainly as the nose on his face that he had been expecting a more interesting answer.

"Now, why don't you go find one of your friends? It's a warm day, and you could be playing in the River Garden with them. A swim would be nice today."

Akeo jumped off the bench. "Okay."

I leaned forward playfully. "Give Mommy a kiss." Akeo kissed my cheek and ran across the garden, disappearing through the big red doors.

I sat there for a few more minutes before standing up and walking into the palace in search of my husband.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"_An angry mother is the most terrifying and deadly creature of all."_

Zuko was in the meeting room with a dozen or so of his advisors. He hated the throne room because sitting amidst all the flames that circled the symbolic chair made him feel intimidating. In the meeting room, he was still the Fire Lord (no one could forget with the gold flame-shaped piece thrust through his top-knot), but he sensed that the other men talked to him more easily. I thought (though I had never told him) that he looked similar to his father when he sat on the throne, and too many of these men remembered Ozai's short reign of cruelty.

No one noticed my entrance at first.

"And what are the rebel groups doing?"

"It's hard to know, they guard their secrets obnoxiously well, but we believe that one or more of them are preparing to attack. Thankfully, however, they aren't working together."

"Attack who, precisely?"

"We are still trying to deduce that, but the targets seem to be the Fire Nation capital and royal family, and the Earth King."

"I want to be informed immediately if anything develops. And I want some information on these people—especially the leaders."

"Yes, sir. Shall we send a bird to Avatar Aang?"

"No. He'll be visiting soon. We can tell him then. I'd like to keep this information from civilians, so please, tell only who you must. Our position of peace is precarious."

Just as he opened his mouth again, I knocked on the door frame. Everyone in the room stopped and looked up at me. Zuko smiled, and so did most of the other men there. The difference was that the advisors all put a hand on their chest and bowed to me, though some did it reluctantly. Many of them were old-fashioned and still didn't like me, but hey, I didn't really like them either. Zuko and Akeo loved me, and I didn't give a damn what the other lords thought.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but I need to talk to Zuko for a moment. Alone."

"Milady, we will be finished within the hour. I'm sure that whatever you need to say can wait until—"

"And I am sure that rebel groups will be unable to organize a full attack in that same amount of time." I smiled sweetly at Kinmer. He was one who didn't—and would never—like me. Oh well, you can't please everyone.

"What is it about, Kat?"

"Akeo."

"Excuse us, gentlemen. A father's duties come first."

The men filed out, some grumbling, while others wore understanding or amused expressions. Old Naroku winked at me and I smiled in return. I had always liked him. One man muttered as he passed "Gods only know where that boy learned to be a father, because, may Koh take my face if I'm wrong, he sure didn't learn from Ozai."

Naroku was the last one out, and he shut the doors behind him. The second we were alone, Zuko sank into the nearest chair.

"Gods, I hate this."

"Ruling?"

"Yes! It's like dancing on the edge of a knife. No matter what you do, someone is always unhappy, and their voice is usually the loudest. I think some of the lords just _like _to complain and bother me. I shouldn't be surprised, though. Most of the world still hates the Fire Nation. But you're not here to listen to me gripe. What about Akeo?"

So I told him what our son had told me. When I finished, Zuko stood and walked over to me, and pulled me into a strong, comforting embrace. "Kat, we knew that this would happen sooner or later, and now we just have to deal with it. I suppose you just gave him some non-answer?"

I nodded, and despite my best efforts, a tear leaked out.

"It'll be okay, Waterdancer. I love you, and Akeo loves you."

"Zuko, He's not even three yet, and he's already asking questions! How do we answer him? How do we explain so he can understand?"

"We don't. We let him forget. We occupy his mind until there is no room left for speculation about the war or our dreams. I'll find a way to keep him in his room at night. He won't even remember until we remind him, years from now, when we tell him everything."

"He's just so young…I just want to preserve that beautiful, intangible innocence as long as I possibly can."

"We will. When he's old enough, he'll find out through us. Not through another source and not until then. The same will go for any other children we have."

"I'm sorry. It's just…we never did find Azula. If he knew about her…or if she knew about him…I don't even want to think about what'd happen."

"Azula will never hurt Akeo. If she did…she would be sorry she was ever born into my family."

I smiled. "I believe it."

"You know, Aang sent a bird. He's visiting soon."

"I know."

So why don't you go south with him? You could see Sokka and Suki, and Suki's only a month or so behind you."

"Are you sure? You seem pretty stressed." I wanted to go, to see Gran-Gran again, to be there for the birth of my first niece or nephew, to be with waterbenders again—the people that I had grown up with, people I hadn't seen in far to long.

"Go. I'll be fine. I know you miss everyone, and it's about time you saw them again."

"You promise to be there before the baby is born?"

"I promise. I wouldn't miss the birth of our little waterbender for anything."

"How do you know it'll be a waterbender?"

"Oh…just a feeling." There was a mischievous twinkle in his eye that I hadn't seen in weeks. I was glad that it was back.

"You are impossible. But I think I will go south. I _do_ miss Sokka and Suki."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Two weeks later, Appa took off from the beach with some extra baggage. To be exact, he had me, and two shoulder bags full of necessities. Many of the other noblewomen had been appalled when they saw exactly how much I was taking, but then, none of _them_ had roamed the world for almost a year, and they couldn't imagine living without featherbeds, silk tents, and servants to cater to their every whim. I had only had those luxuries for a few years.

I had limited myself to the bare necessities of road survival—except for the bag of Fireball candies for Sokka; he loved them.

For the first day, Aang and I talked and caught up with each other. But it would be another week or so until we reached the South Pole, and we couldn't talk _all_ the time. So, when we weren't talking, I amused myself in the way I had done many times before while flying—I thought. And I remembered.

Suddenly, it was the last year of the war once again.


	2. Confusion

**CHAPTER TWO: Confusion**

**XXXXXXXXXXXXX**

March 22nd, year 100 of the Fire War

"_Sometimes, your mind doesn't want to admit that you're in love, but deep down, you know you are."_

**Katara**

Normally I bend water when I need to clear my head. If I really have a lot going on and a nice long bending practice session wouldn't quite cover it, I go for a swim. We were camped right next to a river, but I needed to be alone.

I had found a nice pool not far from our camp, stripped down to my smallclothes, and dove in off the rock.

The shock of the cold water nearly knocked the breath out of me, but that was exactly how I liked it: cold. That was how it had been for all my life. Once I was in the water, I pulled the ties off my long braid and let the water unwind my brown hair. The cold water helped me to think clearly, and it was far clearer than I had been able to think in weeks.

I knew I admired him, or at least parts of his personality, and I knew I respected him, there was no getting around that. I thought I had hated him. But if I hated him, why didn't I kill him that night? It had been a full moon, which meant I was just a little bit stronger. He was out cold, and at my mercy, but I couldn't do it. I had killed many Fire Nation soldiers in defense of Aang, Sokka, and the entire Northern Water Tribe.

Could the reason be that he was the prince? No, I would gladly kill Ozai or any members of the royal family, save Zuko and perhaps Iroh. I didn't know if, given the chance, if I would kill The Dragon of the West, seeing as I have never been faced with that dilemma. But Ozai was evil clean through, and I would happily shove and ice spear through his heart.

So that ruled out "because he's a prince." I knew I wanted him to stop hunting Aang, but I couldn't bring myself to do the one thing that would stop him permanently. Did I care about Zuko's life more than Aang's or Sokka's? And _why_?

I loved my brother and friend, and I hated my enemy. So why was I so confused? The answer was staring me in the face, but I refused to face it, what it would mean.

"Katara," I scolded myself, "you came here to _clear your head_. Not to make yourself more confused." I took a deep breath and dove under the water, kicking hard until my lungs began to ache. I flipped around and looked up. The surface was probably fifteen to twenty feet up. I put my hands together, above my head, like one of my ice arrows. I pumped my strong legs in a powerful dolphin kick, launching my body towards the clear blue sky above.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Zuko**

She was under the water for so long that I thought she had drowned. I was about to leap off my perch high in the trees to save her when I saw her kicking her way to the surface with powerful dolphin kicks. I had just enough time to back into my hiding place among the leaves before she opened her blue eyes.

She broke the surface of the water in a shower of diamonds.

At least, that's what it looked like.

The tiny droplets of water shimmered as the sun hit them, woven into her hair, clinging to her eyelashes, kissing her sweet lips, and giving her the diamond tiara she deserved.

The water-bending girl soared a good ten feet above the surface before she plummeted back down.

Then she came up, shaking wet hair out of her eyes and with a smile in the corner of her mouth.

"_Katara!"_ The Avatar's voice, made louder using his airbending abilities, could be heard even a quarter mile from their camp. _"Do you want to practice?"_

"I'll be right there, Aang!" she called back. He probably couldn't hear her from here, but she replied anyway.

I shrank back in the trees as she climbed out and picked up her outer clothes, I didn't want to bee seen.

I followed her through the forest, but stopped just out of sight of where the two benders were practicing. I could hear them talking, laughing, and the splash as one of them or the water they were using fell into the calm river.

Instead of watching them, I listened and thought about her. And I pondered why she hadn't killed me.

She had had me. I had been out cold, at the full moon, and completely at her mercy. And yet, I had awoken the next morning, head aching from my fall, but otherwise unharmed.

I admired her. There was no getting around that. As much as I didn't like it, I admired her. I told myself it was because I loved to hate her, but that was a lie. When we fought, all I could think about was her ferocity, determination and her beautiful way of moving when she bends. It wasn't waterbending, it was dancing. It represented the wonderful calm nature of water, so different from the killer's curse I am forced to bear. It was a message of all that was good in the world, everything my father wanted to destroy and everything I wanted so desperately to thrive. But I dared not speak that to him, he had given me one scar and he would not hesitate to give me a second.

She was _right_.

I hated what I was forced to do to her, but what was my other option? Give up my honor, the throne, and the only real home I ever knew? Yeah right.

But even if I couldn't love her, I could watch her. Far more than she could even know, I simply watched her at her daily life, practicing, cooking, practicing, sewing and more practicing. I knew far more about her than even her brother probably did. I knew of her secret hobby of singing. It was how she beat back her fear. She was very brave. To her brother, the Avatar boy, and the rest of the world, she showed a fearless face. To the trees, and to me, she showed the face of one who was uncertain and scared—and usually it was me she was scared of.

I had never used her name.

Not out loud, not even in my own mind. Using her name would make her real, and I would never be able to fight her if she were real to me.

Sometimes when she went into the forest, alone except for me, she would confide in the trees, much like I did. She'd tell them her worries, ask the stones her questions. She would look to the sky for advice, and beg the spirits for answers. Occasionally, tears would slip out, and that's when I was always most tempted to go comfort her. _No, _I would tell myself, _she hates you. Eave or stay, but don't be seen._

Some of those days, she'd sing. It sounded like she had written the songs herself, and I loved to listen to them. Some spoke of pain, some of fear, and a few of joy. Sometimes she'd make one up as she went, experimenting with notes and rhythms until she had the desired effect. She had the most beautiful voice I'd ever heard.

I shook my head to clear it and climbed up the nearest tree to look at the position of the sun. Damn, it was long past noon, and Uncle would be wondering where I was. I climbed down and hurried quietly through the forest, leaving tracks only a _very_ skilled tracker could follow.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Katara**

Aang could tell I was distracted, and I knew that he knew even before he said anything.

"Katara, I've never hit you more than twice in a training session, but we've been at this for only an hour and I've already hit you four times, not to mention dumped you in the river once. What's going on?"

I didn't answer, but pulled a bit of water from the river and streamed it around my body. After a few moments, Aang decided he wasn't going to be patient. "That wasn't a rhetorical question."

I sighed and dropped the water back into the river. "It's just…I'm worried." _Come on, Katara, "worried" is the best you can come up with?_

"And…?"

"And what?"

"We're all worried these days. It's more than that."

I glared at him. "You're impossible."

He crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow. I was amazed at how much he had matured in the past months.

"I don't want to talk about it," I said stubbornly.

At that moment, Sokka came into camp, his entrance even more foolish than usual. _Saved by the idiot,_ I thought, relieved. Sokka had tripped over a tree root.

"Stupid trees can't keep their roots to themselves," he complained, standing up and flushing with embarrassment.

"Dryads only exist in stories, Sokka," I told him. "Did you catch anything?" Sokka had left several hours ago in search of dinner. Leaves and roots were fine for awhile, but we needed protein.

Sokka's face brightened and he held up two rabbits. They weren't so fat so that there would be no decent meat on them, but they weren't so skinny that there would be no meat at all.

I took the two dead creatures from my brother's hands and looked at them more closely, their health practically singing of our good fortune. "Anyone care for rabbit on a stick?" I asked.

"I'd like some," they both said at the same time.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"_Boys aren't pigs. Pigs are smart, polite, and never say anything that will send a person off the deep end."_

An hour later, we were all laying back on our bedrolls, chewing juicy rabbit meat and having a rare moment of peace.

Aang, having nearly finished, was airbending the last few pieces into his mouth, one at a time, and humming softly between chewing.

Sokka had finished long ago, and was fingering his boomerang while he watched the clouds roll by.

I was eating slowly, trying not to think about Zuko, and savoring ever bite of the tender meat. Appa was busily eating trees and Momo had flown off somewhere, presumably to find food of his own.

It was peaceful. No one was trying to kill us, at least at the moment, nobody was dying or sick, _and_ we had meat. I sighed happily, all thoughts about Zuko at the back of my mind and not hounding me.

"I'm going to do some target practice until dusk," Sokka said. He stood up and walked off, stringing his bow and carrying a full quiver and his boomerang on his back.

The moment he was gone, Aang rounded on me.

"Don't think you got out of our earlier conversation," he said flatly. I glared at him and popped a piece of rabbit meat in my mouth. Aang said nothing, but simply watched me chew and glare, a slightly amused expression on his face.

"It's about you letting Zuko live, isn't it?"

I choked on my food.

"How did you know about that?"

Aang chuckled. "I know far more than I am ever going to let on, Katara. And I'm not going to make you explain why you did it. That's your business. But I will tell you that you need to get it together, because even if Zuko isn't a problem anymore, Ozai is, and he's going to stay that way, and so is Zhao. And many others.

"I—I have to be alone." I stumbled backwards, then turned and ran into the trees.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXX**

I didn't even know where I was going, I just had to go. I felt like if I kept running and never, ever slowed, the war and all my problems would fall behind me, forgotten.

A branch slapped my cheek and blood ran down my face. I didn't care.

My legs were burning and screaming to stop. I didn't care.

I turned my ankle on a rock and fire shot up my leg with each step. I didn't care.

I had no idea where I was going or how I would get back. I didn't care.

Finally, I caught my foot on a tree root and landed hard, wind knocked out of me, my ankle hurting more than I thought possible, tears and blood mingling on my cheeks. I didn't care.

Lying there, sprawled on the ground, I made no sound, not caring and not moving.

Not even when a pair of black boots stepped into my very small line of vision.

"Hey, Seirul, look what I found," a man's voice said from above me.

I heard another pair of boots walk closer, but I didn't see them. "Is she alive?" a second voice said.

"Yeah, see her back moves when she breathes?"

"She's not breathing much. She's dresses like a Water Tribe woman. Could she be that girl that was traveling with the Avatar?"

"Only one way to find out." Strong arms curled around my waist and with a grunt, I was lifted off the forest floor and into the strong arms of a Fire Nation soldier. I tried to care, I truly did.

I didn't care.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"_If you love something, set it free. If it doesn't come back, then it was never meant to be."_

**Aang**

_Good going Aang, you dealt with that like an old pro._ I had been mentally kicking myself ever since Katara had run off. I was the person that understood her best of all, and I chased her away.

As I waited for he return to apologize endlessly, I thought about what I had seen between Katara and Zuko three weeks ago.

Zuko and Katara were locked in the deadly dance of battle. Normally, I would have interfered. But Katara seemed to have the upper hand tonight. I landed in the trees and watched them.

Katara was attacking without pause, never giving Zuko any room to attack her in return. He was just barely managing to parry her attacks, but parry them he did. Katara was striking hard and relentless, her face blank of all expression and emotion.

Zuko took a step back. His heel caught on a tree root and he went down. Katara may have seen it and maneuvered him there, or it may have happened by chance.

There was a rock, embedded in the ground, just the right distance from the root. Zuko's head struck it as he fell.

Katara was moving a stream of water into attack position, but she changed her movements and bent it back into her waterskin. And for a moment, nothing happened.

Katara walked slowly toward her fallen enemy and knelt beside his head.

My breath was stuck in my throat and I felt sure that Katara would hear my heart pounding. What was going on? Katara wasn't acting like she was planning to kill him.

Katara raised her right hand over Zuko's still face and extended one finger. Slowly, she lowered her finger to the huge scar spreading across half his face. Ever so gently, she touched.

Even unconscious, Zuko flinched violently and Katara's hand jumped back. Everything was still for a moment. Katara pulled some water out of her waterskin and suspended it above Zuko's head. Slowly, as if she was thinking hard about each movement, she manipulated the water into a certain shape, looked at it for a moment, and froze it.

As it fell toward Zuko's face, she caught it and for the first time, I saw exactly what it was.

The cold fury of an ice knife was clenched between her fingers, the blade as sharp Sokka's knife, and maybe sharper.

_Zuko ends now,_ I thought. I knew that I should feel happy that we had one less enemy to contend with, but I couldn't. Killing him felt…wrong.

Katara was still holding the knife, her face as pale as a ghost. And as I watched, hardly daring to believe it, a drop of water fell from the tip pf the ice and landed on Zuko's scar.

Then the drops fell faster, and then they became a trickle. In less than two minutes, the knife had disappeared. His entire scar had been touched by the water, and it was dripping down over his ear and dampening the ground beneath his head.

Katara stood up, took one last look at her still-alive enemy and darted away through the trees, presumably to find me.

I shook my head to bring it back to the present. I had decided to keep what I had seen to myself, but that was the only thing that could have been bothering her, so I asked her about it. Big mistake. She could have accidentally run into Fire Nation soldiers. I stood up. I couldn't wait anymore, I had to find her.

As I reached for my glider, something heavy collided with my head and knocked me down. With reflexes born from the war, I grabbed my glider and flipped over, ready to defend myself from fire.

It was only Momo, looking a little dazed and rumpled, but otherwise fine. I picked him up and looked closer at him and saw: his eyes were out of focus.

"Momo," I said "Come on buddy, wake up." Momo's eyes focused more and he saw me. Instantly, he started flapping his wings furiously and making high-pitched squeaking noises. "Momo, calm down! What happened?" Momo jumped out of my arms and ran around in circles for a moment, then stopped and looked at me, eyes wide and quivering.

My eyes widened in horror when I realized what he had seen.

"_Sokka!"_ I yelled, creating a small wind to carry my voice to my friend.

While I waited for him to show up, I began packing up our camp. Two minutes later, Sokka showed up and I was almost done.

"Hey Aang, are we moving?" Then he looked around for a second and noticed what was missing. His voice changed to uncertainty as he spoke his next words. "Hey—where's Katara?"

I tightened the strap on the last bag and hooked it to Appa's saddle. "Zhao's soldiers have her."

**XXXXXXXXXXXX**

Muahahaha!!!!! Cliffie!!!!! I am so evil. Chapter three has to be proofread before I can post it, so expect it somewhere around...give me two or three days.


	3. Outsmarted

Due to a very critical and very helpful review (thank you, you know who you are!) I will go back and redo the chapters that I have, and repost them. When I have a chance. In the meantime, know that I will not switch points of view again untill I have the story in third-person. For now, here is chapter three, just because I've gotten so many people bugging me about posting it. PLEASE REVIEW!!!! I love reviews. They make me happy. And happy is good.

Note: I wanted Katara's first singing scene to be better written than this, but I tried. Sorry. It sucks, I know. And Katara is kinda out of character here. I just can't see Katara taking imprisonment without some rude comments directed toward her captor (as she clearly pointed out int _The Waterbending Scroll_ when she told Zuko to "Go jump in the river!"). So I had to make her sarcastic. Besides, Katara is changing, just as Zuko is. Maybe she could change to be a bit more like Sokka...? Okay, I'm reaching. But you get it.

Disclaimer: If I owned Avatar, I would also own all the DVDs so that I could watch it without looking through six tapes of Avatar episodes before finding the one I wanted to watch. The song, _Beautiful Disaster_, belongs to Kelly Clarkson.

**CHAPTER THREE: Outsmarted**

**XXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"_We never know the answer to the greatest question of all until we are faced with it: Are you willing to die for what you believe in?"--Anonymous_

March 22nd, year 100 of the Fire War

**Katara**

A pair of shackles locked my feet together on the floor, and my wrists were chained together above my head. The metal around my wrists had barbs set into it to discourage me from pulling my hands out, and unfortunately, it was working. My arms were sore from being above my head for so long, and I was _thirsty_.

"What if I have to go to the bathroom?" I was hoping for some excuse for them to unlock me and give me a chance to escape. Unlikely, but hey, it was worth a shot. Unfortunately, I turned out to be right.

"Go ahead." The guard smirked at his own cleverness. I rolled my eyes at his pathetic attempt to be clever.

The heavy iron doors opened with much creaking and groaning, and Zhao strutted in, followed by a few more of his guards, including the two that had found me in the forest.

"Yes, that is her," Zhao told them. "Very good, gentlemen. You are excused." The two bowed themselves out and the remaining guards closed the doors, presumably to take up their posts outside and leave Zhao and me to have a private talk.

Zhao turned to face me. "So, Katara. What was a lovely young waterbender such as yourself doing so far from her friends?"

"What is a fat old man such as yourself doing so far from intelligence?"

Zhao stiffened in rage, but walked up to me quite calmly. He stood there for a moment, in front of me, before his hand flew out of nowhere and struck me across the face. I felt the cut from where the branch had scratched me open again under his strong fingers.

My cheek was burning, but I forced myself to look him in the eye and hold my defiant expression. "Tell me, Zhao—how did you become an admiral? I had always thought that brains were required for that rank."

Zhao struck my other cheek this time, but the blow was no less fierce. "I have a suggestion for _you_, little girl."

"I'm listening."

He held up a handful of flames.

"I'm listening _intently_."

"Good. Now, tell me, do your friends ever want to see you alive again?"

"I don't know, but I'm sure they would enjoy seeing _you_ alive again. Sokka is _so_ looking forward to kicking your butt."

"Your terrible threats have me shaking in my boots." Zhao sounded nothing more than annoyed and sarcastic. "But if you want the Avatar to never have to bear the sight of your lifeless eyes, then I suggest you heed me."

"And what would you have me do, Admiral I-lost-the-North-Pole? By the way, how did the Fire Lord appreciate your noble efforts to destroy the last stronghold of the Water Tribe? I'm sure he patted you on the back and said 'Oh, that's okay; we'll get 'em next time.' Didn't he?"

Zhao growled deep in his throat. Clearly I was getting the better of him. That eased my fear a little, for I was scared, no matter how well I hid it.

"Tell me—how is Zuko? We haven't seen his catapult firing fireballs at us for several weeks. I do so miss a halfway challenging enemy, seeing I haven't had one of those since the fight on the oasis."

"You're treading on very thin ice, girl. If I were you, I'd be extremely cautious."

"Yes, maybe I should. After all, your temper is bigger than your sideburns."

"By the end of the night you'll be begging for death. By the end of the night, _I'd_ be begging for death if I were you. But you can avoid that all, right now, if you answer every question—in complete honesty and sworn on the gods."

"Death is the coward's escape."

"I will bet twenty gold pieces that I can loosen your tongue before the sun rises."

"What have _you_ been smoking, or is this state of delirium normal for you?"

"What you call delirium, other men call military strategy."

"Well, stupid men all think the same way." I changed my voice to fake thoughtfulness. "Maybe that's why it's been so easy to avoid the Fire Navy these past months. And do tell what _awful_ torture you have lined up for me this time." I felt like I was going to be sick. I knew I couldn't withstand torture, but I couldn't let Zhao have the upper hand now.

"I have a few surprises hidden up my sleeve…or in my breeches."

I felt all the color drain from my face. For a moment, I was eight again, standing in the door flap of our tent and watching as my mother screamed, trapped under the naked body of a Fire Nation soldier. But the gods were good. Somehow, my voice kept it's scoffing, mocking quality despite the fact that I was terrified. "It'll take more than that to break me. I'm stronger than I look, just ask Zuko and he'll agree."

"I do not care what that honor-less whelp thinks, he is weak. Why is he alive is you are so strong?"

Crap. He was loosening my grip on the wand that controlled this conversation. I couldn't let him get it. "What happened between me and Zuko is between me and Zuko."

"Did you have a little lovers spat?"

"_Lover's spat_? I practically kill him and you think I'm his _lover_?"

"I do not give a god's shit whom you sleep with, Katara, but Ozai will not appreciate a water-slut warming his son's bed."

I cut him off before he could begin his next sentence. "Fire Lord Asshole doesn't give a damn whether his son lives or dies, let alone who he sleeps with." Damn. I had the command of the conversation, and I lost it. Good going, Katara.

"We're getting off subject here. We were talking about _you_."

"No, _you_ were talking about me; _I_ was tuning out and thinking about how pathetic you are."

"Your endless wit and cleverness has me blindsided."

"Really? I thought that was just you ignoring an oncoming attack."

Zhao walked around behind me and stood far to close for my comfort. "Tell me, Katara," he said, the warm breath of his words washing over my neck, "In a battle of wills, which would exist longer when pitted against each other? Ice or fire?"

I saw where he was going with this, but I didn't see a way out. I tried to dodge the question. "It depends on how much of each there is." As soon as it was out of my mouth, I realized that that was about the stupidest thing I could have said.

Zhao smiled. "Correct. And since I am much bigger than you, doesn't that mean that I'll win? "I could feel his breath on my ear now. "Think about it, Katara. If your logic is accurate, no matter how hard you try, you can't hope to beat me. So why bother trying, when you know it's hopeless." I felt his fingertip touch my cheek and trace a line from the corner of my lips to a spot just under my ear as he spoke his next words. "Just tell me what I want to know, and save yourself the pain and humiliation of what I have planned for you."

Reckless anger was rising in my chest. Not thinking about the consequences of what I was doing, I swung my hipbone to one side, then back, slamming it straight into his groin. Zhao grunted in pain and doubled over, cursing me and all my ancestors with phrases that I had never heard but knew they weren't compliments. "You're going to regret that, girl," he said hoarsely. "You are going to regret that with every ounce of your soul." He straightened up and limped out of the room. The last thing I heard before the doors swung shut was "Damn her, someone get me a pouch of ice!"

**XXXXXXXXXXXXX**

March 23rd

"_The only time a person can be truly brave is when they are terrified beyond all reason."_

Zhao had been gone for ten minutes, and already I was panicking. I didn't know if Zhao meant torture or something else, but I refused to let myself dwell on what he might do to me, nor was I planning on sticking around to find out. So that meant I have to escape, and there was the problem. I was trying to stuff my fear in a deep corner of my mind where I wouldn't feel, it, but It didn't really want to be hidden. To distract myself from my fear, I began to run through the details of my predicament.

I couldn't use my bending without the use of my hands or feet, and besides, the cork to my waterskin was on, and I needed to get it off to bend. I jiggled my back a little to weigh it against my body and pleasantly discovered that it was nearly full. Something wet trickled down my cheek and I realized that Zhao had broken the scab on my left cheek, but I didn't know about the right. Trying to ignore it (the cut seemed to be numb, but the blood trickling down my face was annoying), I looked up at the shackles that imprisoned my wrists above and inspected them closer than I had before. They were big enough so that they would fit a very wide range of sizes of hands, but I couldn't pull my hands out if I minded slicing a big artery on the sharp edges. The key lock was simple; therefore a simple lock-pick would suffice. The problem there was that my set of lock-picks was in an inner pocket of my dress, somewhere in the vicinity of my waist. I looked down at my feet. The shackles around my ankles fit better (oh goodie) but they had no sharp edges.

_Damn it, Zhao thought of everything,_ I thought furiously. I was beginning to despair when I remembered one more thing. Maybe it couldn't save me, but at least I wouldn't be trapped in my own mind. I sang.

I sang the first song that came to mind, not realizing until halfway through _what_ I was singing, or what I had been thinking about when I had written it, something that seemed to have spilled over into the words.

_He drowns in his dreams_

_An exquisite extreme I know_

_He's as damned as he seems_

_More heaven than a heart could hold_

_And if I tried to save him_

_My whole world would cave in_

_Just ain't right_

_Just ain't right_

_Oh and I don't know_

_I don't know what he's after_

_But he's so beautiful_

_Such a beautiful disaster_

_If I could hold on_

_Through the tears and the laughter_

_Would it be beautiful_

_Or just a beautiful disaster_

_He's magic and myth_

_As strong as what I believe_

_A tragedy with_

_More damage than a soul should see_

_And do I try to change him_

_So hard not to blame him_

_Hold on tight_

_Hold on tight_

_I don't know what he's after_

_But he's so beautiful_

_Such a beautiful disaster_

_If I could hold on_

_Through the tears and the laughter_

_Would it be beautiful_

_Or just a beautiful disaster_

_I'm longing for love and the logical_

_But he's only happy hysterical_

_I'm searching for some kind of miracle_

_Waiting so long_

_He's soft to the touch_

_But frayed at the end he breaks_

_He's never enough_

_But still he's more than I can take_

_Oh and I don't know_

_I don't know what he's after_

_But he's so beautiful_

_Such a beautiful disaster_

_If I could hold on_

_Through the tears and the laughter_

_Would it be beautiful_

_Or just a beautiful disaster_

_He's beautiful_

_He's so beautiful_

_He's beautiful_

As the last line trailed off, thoughts and panics flooded back. But now, my mind—not my instincts—were in control. I grabbed all the panicked thoughts in an imaginary fist and shoved them into a corner, where they couldn't pester me. Now I could think.

Before I could even begin formulating the weakest plan, I heard a shout and a crash. Another voice shouted in reply, but was cut off mid-sentence. A few more seconds of steel clanging and yelling, then all was quiet.

The silence seemed to stretch on forever, but it reality, it probably wasn't more than thirty seconds until the heavy metal doors creaked open.

The Blue Spirit slipped through the narrow opening that he had managed to create between the doors. He was wearing all brown, just as Aang had described, and had a short broadsword sheathed on his back. Why it had to be on his back, I have no idea, because it was plenty short enough to be at his hip. He stopped and hesitated for a moment when he saw me, but then walked over, fumbling for a ring of keys in his pocket. He inserted one into the keyhole in my handcuffs, tried to turn it, and failed. He tried perhaps six of the keys before one clicked and the shackles dropped open. The same process for the ones on my ankles, and then I was free.

"Thank you. I—" But when I looked up, he was already halfway to the doors. Clearly he wasn't the sort for formalities. I ran after him, and followed him out of the room.

I didn't remember the hallway that we stepped into, but I had been in a daze when they marched me onto the ship. Now, I saw that it was a very long, roomy passage, and that about six men lay on the floor at various places along it. Clearly they were the men who the Blue Spirit had killed to get to me. We ran along the hallway, swift but quiet, until we came to the very end. I realized that this was the bow of the ship, the part that lowered to form a ramp off the ship.

"But won't they hear it go down?" I whispered.

He nodded and began inspecting the mechanics of the ramp. After a few moments, he pointed to a metal piece that was about a foot long and a few inches wide. I followed the mechanics with my eyes and saw that it was a lever, and if it was pushed, the chain on this side—the starboard side—would go slack and drop its weight on the ramp. The Blue Spirit pointed to the other side, and when I looked, I saw that the mechanism was identical. When I looked back to him, he was pointing at me. Instantly, I understood. I walked over and placed my foot on the lever. The Blue Spirit held up three fingers. _On three._ _One,_ he put down one finger. _Two,_ down went a second. _Three!_

We pushed the levers at the exact same time, both chains went slack, and the ramp fell with a crash that echoed through the entire ship.

Almost instantaneously, voices began shouting angry orders. I turned sharply and struck the stance, ready to fight them, when a gloved hand closed on my wrist. The Blue Spirit yanked me toward the opening, but instead of running down the ramp, he pushed me straight over the edge and into the harbor.

I turned in the air and made myself as streamlined as possible, knowing that I was quite a ways up. I pulled the water towards me to lessen the distance, but it still felt like a stone wall when I hit.

The water had knocked the wind out of me, so I floated underwater for a moment, dazed, until I realized that we were still in deep trouble. I swam toward the Blue Spirit, grabbed him by the collar (he was to dazed to swim by himself), and looked up toward the open ship.

Men were lining up on this side of the ramp. All of them were holding spears or longswords, and a few had painted faces and bows. Zhao walked down the ramp, behind them, and I saw his mouth move.

I reacted without thinking, creating a jet of water that shot me ten or so feet to the right. Spears and arrows rushed past, right where I had been half a second ago. _I've got to get out of range,_ I thought. _I hope you can hold your breath for a long time, Mister Mask._

I dove deep and toward the ship's aft. After a few moments, I leveled myself out and swam with a slight upward angle, eventually coming up about thirty yards away from the ramp and very close to the ship's side. I looked back to see that the men were still searching the water below them. "Suckers. Those guys are so dumb that they wouldn't know Appa if he took a bite out of their—Oh! You're awake." The Blue Spirit had stirred, and was now treading water on his own, so I let go of his collar. He beckoned and turned towards the shore.

I grabbed the sword sheath that was strapped across his back. "Where do you think you're going?"

He pointed toward shore.

"And give up the chance to kick Zhao's behind? Yeah right. I'm going back there to show him what happens when you make me mad whether you're coming with me or not." I quietly swam back the way we'd come. I knew what I was doing was stupid, but Zhao had made me _mad_. So I couldn't really blame the Blue Spirit for groaning quietly before following me. It was the first vocal thing he'd done all night, and there was something irritatingly familiar about it.

We swam quietly back towards the bow of the ship. My mysterious companion was a good swimmer—I'll give him that much. I was trying to form a plan in my mind and watch for soldiers above me as we slipped through the water. Ice—made as slippery as absolutely possible—might work. I could do it with no firm ground under me, but I would much rather have a solid stance.

I beckoned the Blue Spirit over and motioned my idea out. He nodded in agreement and ducked down under the water. For a moment, nothing happened, then his hands closed around my ankles. He kept a grip on my feet to tug them into position as his head came up between my thighs, allowing me to sit on his shoulders and giving me at least a partly good stance. His tread was steady, so I would be able to ice the ramp, but he couldn't surface under my weight. I swept my arms upward and brought a wave onto the ramp, causing cries of alarm. I made sure it was _under_ their feet, not on top of them, than I froze it.

It was almost funny, watching their arms flail as they tried to regain their balance. A second of suspension as they tried not to fall, then they slid into the sea below.

I speed-swam straight for the edge of the ramp and pulled myself up. The ice melted on my command, but did not flow down, obedient to my will. When I looked up into the interior of the ship, I saw Zhao there, glaring daggers at me and dropping into a bending stance.

But before he could even throw his first strike (which he usually did pretty fast), I knocked him backwards with a jet of water. Unfortunately, he didn't fall off, but did fall very near the edge, his head hanging over empty air.

I saw a glint of metal and knew who it was. I pulled him out from under the waves, straight up, with a plume of water, and froze Zhao to the deck.

The Blue Spirit's broadswords were a blur as he swung them at Zhao's head. Zhao let out a yell and pulled out of the way just in time.

He melted himself out of the ice's hold and stood as the Blue Spirit landed on the slanted platform. "You!" Zhao cried. "I thought I killed you!" I had an odd feeling that he was smiling under that blue-and-white mask. Zhao sent a line of fireballs at us, which I doused as many as I could. The ones that I could not, I dodged, and so did the Blue Spirit. The way he moved past the fireballs made me think that he was a firebender himself, but I wasn't going to complain. He hadn't tried to hurt me, only help me. I would take what I could get.

The swords flashed in the moonlight, and I knew that we had to get out of here, _now_, before Zhao decided to swallow his pride and just let his men spear us. They were lined up behind him, ready to throw, but knew that he wanted this battle. He took a strong step forward and swept his arms up from the ground. A long string of fire flowed out of his hands. It was too much for me to get all of it, but I doused as much as I could. Too late, I realized that the Blue Spirit had been left with no protection against the flames.

He didn't cry out as the fire bit his skin; only put it out against his pant leg as quickly as he could. I didn't know how bad the burn was, but it couldn't have been severe, as it only touched his skin for a few seconds.

"Time to go?" I asked. He nodded. As a finishing touch to make my lesson to the Admiral stick, I whirled my arms, bringing waves of water up on both sides behind me. I shoved the water straight into his chest, causing him to pitch back and through the opening into his ship. "_Now_ we can go," was all I said. We dove off the ramp just as they threw their spears.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXX**


	4. Hugmongous Apology

First, I am going to post what I put in my author bio, just so you can read it here as well.

_Tear Shaped Love_ is pretty much dead. I apologize SO MUCH for this, you have absolutely NO IDEA. I wish more than anything that I could write it through to the end, but I'm simply running into too many problems. A few of them: how can I make Zuko learn to be humble without making him totally OC? How can I accurately make my readers experience what Katara and Zuko, and for that matter, Sokka and Suki, feel for each other when I've never experienced it myself? How do I portray Katara the way I need to without making her totally OC? And lastly, and possibly most importantly, how do I shorten a story like this to a reasonable length when dumping something is giving up an important moment in character development? Maybe someday I'll start again, but for now, it's stopped. I'll leave what I already have up. To all my friends at school and youth group who are going to disown me for this: I have absolutely no excuse or justification. Thank you to all of you who've been so helpful and supportive as I slugged my way through a composition book that is now half-unreadable and smells like coffee (your fault, surfer). Anyway, thanks to all yet again, and I hope you'll keep reading my other stories and not hate me too much.

**A GREAT BIG THANK YOU HUG TO**

**elements (anonymous).** I have absolutely no idea who you are or if you'll ever see this message, but I'm glad you liked it.

**xhenixp. **I'm so grateful that you decided to read my story and review it, and so dang sorry that I had to quit. Seeing your review made my day.

**lighningbent101.** I am sososo glad you liked it and I feel terrible for not continuing. Please don't hate me too much.

**godgivendesire. **glad you liked it. I hope my message helped. Good luck.

**numerical fish (anonymous)**

**Wren Sharpbeak.** Even if I didn't do much on this story, you have no idea how much you helped me with writing in general, and with other junk as well, though I'm not entirely you were trying for the second one! You'll be glad to hear that I actually found out that one of my friends has been writing for many years and now edits all my work, except my poems, and she is most certainly not tell me what I want to hear. And when school starts again, I'm going to try much harder to actually LISTEN and not write instead of take notes. Maybe I'll actually get better than a 3.0 this year. Again, thank you tons. Sorry for not continuing, but I wanted to tell you how much you really helped me get my stupid teenage head screwed on the right direction.

**chibiaries. **thanks for reading it! See you at school, yes?

**Spleefmistress**

**And a special thanks to all my friends at school and youth group who were always bugging me about a new chapter: Grandma Pickles, Surfboardz, Mom, Katcraze, and Kitykat. ESPECIALLY YOU, KITYKAT. You have no idea how many times I enjoyed those cold walks to school where you actually **_**listened**_** to my babbles. Even though it's dead, I'm still so grateful.**

Please, please, PLEASE, do not feel like I don't love you if I didn't reply directly, I just don't really have the right words. I love you all, and again, I am so sad that I can't continue this, but…dang it, I don't even have an explanation. I'm just…sorry.

I'll miss you guys

Dogluver4evah


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